Always screaming I don’t need you – don’t need anybody. Just wrapped up and paralyzed by the inconsistencies of being wanted. No one ever told me the nature of want would change so easily, no one ever taught me how to stoke an endless passion. So I let it go and pull it back desperately like the frantic ebb and flow of a storm worn shore because I didn’t know – don’t know how to glide effortlessly through the motions of letting you want me. There was a time once upon a time when our interlaced fingers sent bolts to my heart and we stayed out all night laughing and playing pool. We made an island unto ourselves and the sound of you and breath of you soothed me like chill wind on the hottest day. We breathed in one another no differently than oxygen. I was a different person then stuck in my definitions of needing – needing to be needed and now that you want me, bare your soul to me I have forgotten who you are. We used to say if we have lived any lives over this or ever will we would find each other in each and every one and through every one I remember you all again. In this life alone we have found each other again and again and I will stand at the shore of our island always reaching, always waiting for us to remember who we were.
Like attracts like. You want to be in love? Then be in love! That what isn’t so much important – be in love with your life and you will attract more things and people to be in love with (same goes for happiness and gratitude). Something so simple can be so hard to do, that’s why the beginning steps are an inside job. I won’t go on a huge spiel, I’ll keep this as short and sweet as possible. Love starts with you. Fall in love with who you are and where you are now and miraculously things will just sort of fall into place. It can be a tedious process at first, but I promise it gets easier. That’s not to say that if you don’t love who and where you are that it won’t find its way to you, but it makes things a helluva lot easier and without carting around all of your baggage you can attract someone into your life that will feed your soul, not your ego – someone that will fulfill not only your desires, but your needs.
I do get lonely, I won’t lie, but I’m also known in my circles as that girl that’s completely comfortable with being single. That’s definitely not always true, but I do tend to just live my life in love. I court myself and do things that stir my soul and seduce me and I stay suspended in that “butterflies in the tummy, giggly, goofy, glowing, ‘in love’ place”. What do you do right now to give yourself that “in love” feelin’?
- In order to hear Love’s words… (kashbazil.wordpress.com)
- Teach Me How to Love (virenne.com)
- Why ‘she’s got too much emotional baggage’ doesn’t cut it anymore! (voxxi.com)
This is by no means limited to heart matters; I will probably speak more on the subject in the future, but being as I’m focusing on dating this week I will tailor the message to that. The idea is much more wide-swept than romantic pursuits and can be applied to any area of life. chuck your expectations, not your standards.
A Course in Miracles speaks a lot about expectations – how limiting and stagnating they can be to both your growth and your ability to attract miracles. We get attached to what we want, the way we want it, right when we want it and the Universe doesn’t work on your schedule. You need to put that trust out there that he/she/it knows exactly what you need, when you need it, and that it will supply it to restore a perception of lack. What’s so bad about expectations? They allow (encourage) you to attach yourself to certain outcomes, so much so that sometimes you don’t even see the blessings right in front of your face.
What does this mean for your dating life? Let me set it up for you:
You go out on your first date with a guy/gal and you start the requisite interview process “What do you do? What do you like to do in your spare time? Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” and you consult your mental checklist. Gasp, you think to yourself, he/she’s none of the things I wanted in my soulmate. You go through the rest of the date as a courtesy and will most likely not listen to a word they say because all you can think is “OMG this is a waste of time they’re none of the things I’m looking for!” and You leave and even if you do have a good time you don’t call back because you’re disappointed that the bullet points on your list haven’t been touched. Can you see where I’m going with this?
When you ride on expectations you create room for disappointment instead of room for miracles. Maybe you’ll really get on with this person, or maybe not, but are you really going to pass up a chance because they didn’t live up to your expectations? Yet we complain that we can’t find any nice guys or gals. It sounds like you’re the problem so get your act together. Life likes to throw things at you just to shake it up and your job is to be ready to accept and receive.
Expectations are nice just don’t get hung up on them, it’s your standards than need to stand firm. I mean if you’re expecting a Disney prince(ss) to come whisk you away and save you from your humdrum life then you may want to check in to reality and lower your standards a bit, but the standards that you’ve built up for yourself as far as how you should be treated (and how your mate should treat themselves) shouldn’t waiver. NOTE: We’re all different, don’t compare your standards and deal breakers to your friends’ because we are built to handle different things and what works for you won’t for others (and vice versa). Those boundaries are important and your deal breakers exist for a reason; there are just some things that you shouldn’t compromise and you know the difference between the superfluous fluff that you’ve built up in your head to dress up your future mate and your little (or not so little) red flags being thrown up. If you can’t figure it out, trust those little niggling feelings in the pit of your stomach – at least that’s the easiest way for me to note that my intuition issuing me a “Hey, this is not good!” reality bitch slap.
- Are deal breakers bad ideas? (imvossy.wordpress.com)
- All the little miracles/surprises. (myownlittleshadow.wordpress.com)
- Being Single (walkerel.wordpress.com)
- Request a Miracle (celiaelaine.wordpress.com)
- Expectations Led To The Demise of Our Marriage (lindseymacblog.wordpress.com)
- For the Love of Miracles ~ Day 6 (celestiallifecoaching.wordpress.com)
- One Week of Online Dating And Now I Am a (Mad) Social Scientist… (thesupremeeffortofbeing.wordpress.com)
- Dating 101: Fall in Love with You First (shauntee.com)
- Rethinking Dating Criteria (niconica.wordpress.com)
- Main B*tch Manual- The Standard (girlsaboutlife.wordpress.com)
Let me just hang this out in the air for a moment there: neglect is a form of abuse – a SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE form of abuse.
What the *eff, and WHY?! Let me spin it this way, if a child was neglected the media would be up and arms and social services would be contacted immediately to have the child removed from the parents’ “care”. So please tell me why, once we enter the romantic the dating arena, it is completely acceptable to be neglected. We make excuses for it! When it reaches a certain point this is no better than verbal abuse – it can have irreparable damage on the psyche causing one to jump and fight for attention any time their mate (or family member or friend) pulls away in the slightest bit. I’m going to say that I have been guilty of this in the past too; I have allowed it to happen in my past relationships and I make the normal excuses. The more your run around this circle the more you teach the “neglecter” that it’s okay to treat you that way. Personally, it left me crazy starved for attention.
I’m not talking the run of the mill he/she’s too busy to hang out with me this weekend, he/she doesn’t show interest in what I like, he/she never does anything romantic. I’m talking no communication, disappear for a few days, never willing to indulge in or encourage you to pursue your interests, doesn’t even care to discuss what’s happening in their life. Serious and willful neglect – the kind of relationship where you know you’ve felt less alone by yourself. If that person isn’t filling ANY of your needs there is a problem there. If a relationship is not fulfilling any of your needs, it IS causing you pain because placeholders are not as innocent as they seem.
If you take nothing else away while you’re reading this – relationships tend to flow so much into the other parts of your life that it is imperative that they are alive and breathing freely. So if it’s not a HELL YES – it’s a no. I know that my romantic partner tends to be my best friend, my anchor and I need that balance because I’m a little (maybe a lot) on the floaty, whimsical side and it may be different for you, but interpersonal relationships in general are such a big slice of my pie that if I’m not getting what I need from them I melt a little and sometimes my boundaries come undone.
A little aside about feeling supported in your relationships:
Gabby Bernstein featured a vlog about feeling supported in her life – throughout her career, in her relationships, in her finances. Supported – I love it. She speaks about Danielle LaPorte’s “Desire Map” and her practice of intentionally designating a set of feelings as core feelings. In the front of my planner at work, on the background of my laptop, sometimes scrawled on a post it and stuck on the surfaces surrounding my desk, but I never once thought about being supported until I heard that. Take stock of your feelings surrounding relationships.
What do you want to feel? Neglected, lonely, constantly fighting for attention? I didn’t think so; I certainly don’t want to feel that way. I can be lonely all on my own. Are you in a neglectful relationship? With others? With yourself? Are you the neglected or the one who neglects? What would you make room for if you let that relationship (that isn’t serving your needs) go?
- Love Addicts Anonymous (sixtyandsingleagain.wordpress.com)
- 6 Reasons To “Call It Quits”… (robwriter2000.wordpress.com)
- Want Extraordinary Relationships? Use a North Star (prweb.com)
- Silent No More (valeriemock2.wordpress.com)
I am (fairly) recently single. That hiatus I took? Yeah, that was recovery time. It has been very difficult separating from my best friend. We tried again briefly and, well, fell flat. That is a man whom will always have a big ole’ chunk of my heart, but it wasn’t the right time or circumstance. Moving forward.
That being said, I have a confession to make: I hate dating – or rather going on dates. I find the whole dance to be exhaustive and wasteful if I’m not pre-inclined to date said prospect anyway. I would much rather hang out until we figure out we like-like each other and we’re mutually physically attracted. I normally don’t have an issue because I tend to be very upfront about when it occurs to me that I might be romantically interested, but you see where this can get messy, don’t you? Even so, I prefer it this way. It’s time to venture out and shake things up, change allows for powerful shifts in perception and opens doors. So let’s open up some doors.
In short, I have dating on the brain this week and would like to offer some spiritual observations on casual dating. Please join me in this week-long love-learning journey and perhaps let it spark your need for change.
What have you shaken up lately? Are you stagnant in a place that you could make a change in order to invite a quantum shift?
- To Date or Not to Date? – That Is the Question (recreatingcarly.wordpress.com)
- Confessions (budgetandthebeach.com)
I have loved a man and lost him,
I judged and tortured myself,
I have been on the brink of giving up and giving in.
Still I stay open.
I have been ripped open,
I have been spit on,
I have been kicked while I’m down.
Still I stay open.
I have been openly mocked,
I have been torn down and turned away,
I have stumbled and fallen to unforgiving concrete.
Still I stay open.
This is where strength is cultivated,
this is where the definitions of vulnerability are changed,
this is where long forgotten battles are finally won.
Where do you find your epiphanies and a-has?
Your moments of calm knowing and clarity?
I find them in moments of joy,
but they are very often lost from not being earned.
I remember and keep them through painful trials.
I used to balk at the trials,
but now I accept them like tangible things
and treasure them like precious gems that adorn my temple.
I never wanted to learn that way –
never through I would have to.
That is why I strive to stay open
so that every day is one step closer
to learning every lesson through joy.
I keep going,
I keep carrying on,
I keep loving through it,
I stay open.
I breathe in the pain of the world
and exhale every ounce of compassion from my reserves,
like a beautiful woman taught me once.
I have suffered like you have suffered.
I would not stand as tall,
I would not live my life in love,
I would not have found bliss without it.
I just want to tell you that you are not alone,
through every tear and trial and tickle and triumph
my heart praises and raises the love in yours,
and always – ALWAYS – stay open
because you will make it through.
I Love You Always,
Just a few quick words on the secret to everything:
As far as I’m concerned, Love will always be the answer.
You want to know a secret? THE secret? My life has taken me down many a twist and turn and my latest adventure has brought a new friend into my home and yesterday he told me that I knew the secret to life; that I didn’t even realize it, but I had stumbled upon the reason of being. Admittedly I smirked at him and asked, “What would that be?” out of amusement, but I already knew the gist of what he would say. He says to me “You called it a second chance, but it’s about reaching out, treating people as you want to be treated, and treating yourself the way you would want others to treat you.” I giggled, “Of course I realize that. The reason we do everything is love and connection.” The next time you perform or receive a random act of kindness remember that one small act can have a ripple effect that is unimaginably wonderful. You never know how those little things count in the end game. That’s the secret, open your heart and let it stay open, continue believing, loving, and doing and you WILL be a happier and more complete person for it and slowly but surely raise the world’s consciousness level, guaranteed.
- Random Acts of Kindness & Rant about the Giving Tree (cloudwhales.wordpress.com)
- I Love Random Acts of Kindness (karenkubicko.wordpress.com)
- Could You Perform 21 Random Acts of Kindness in 21 Days? (univisionnews.tumblr.com)
“The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
They’re in each other all along.”
You cannot miss someone that has always, will always, be a part of you. Dry those tears and smile at the happiness they made you feel before, that is never lost.
- Whispers of the Beloved – Rumi (lilianllanos.com)
- it’s a Rumi night… (postsfromthepath.com)
- Rumi on Love and Souls (onebravesurvivorhealing.wordpress.com)
- Joy and Beauty (haskerj.wordpress.com)
- talking Sky (janeariebaldwin.com)
- Rumi – Fountain of Fire (lovewave92.wordpress.com)
- Confused And Distraught By Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi (renardmoreau.wordpress.com)
After that a discovery stroll through the woods or the city to overhaul vintage boutiques or being at the cross-section of the elements to plant dreams in fertile ground. Lots of pictures: glamour shots and hammin’ it up candids.
On the ride home we’ll sing obnoxious, loud karaoke; some cathartic ballads mixed in with some funky gotta move it one hit wonders. Short goodbyes and promises to see each other soon upon arrival back to my apartment and then a milk and honey bubble bath surrounded by every candle I own lit with Tchaikovsky filling the room.
Before I feel myself lulling away, I wrap myself in a warmed towel and move to the kitchen to collect a few of my favorites (cheese, avocado, melon slices) and a glass of wine. Lie down and savor my couch picnic while reading Rumi’s translated poetry until I fall blissfully asleep.
I have so many different versions of this leisured, indulgent day. The list of ways I allow myself to be seduced are endless. It’s become an important ritual and I would like to invite you to create your own:
- Start small, create your perfect morning (or afternoon or evening) and fill it with the things, people, events that make you feel powerful, rejuvenated, and luxurious. Repeat until you have a whole day’s worth.
- Allow yourself to savor the present moment and move seamlessly into the next.
- If things don’t go according to plan just let it flow right past you. Things often go “off course” but the universe knows just what you need. Trust it.
- Embrace your eccentricities. In my experience when I indulge in the things that I love that others might find off-kilter I feel the most connected to my authentic self. And there is nothing quite as sexy as someone who accepts and has stepped into their authentic self.
- Keep building these perfect
- seducing days. Even thinking about it is the perfect pick-me-up. Anyone can find a free couple of hours, keep these ideas in your toolkit and whenever you’re feeling lethargic, rundown, stressed, or just plain ol’ yuck access a couple (or all) of these.
- If you journal or blog, keep track of how you felt throughout the day so you can build the super epic self-seducing day and/or night experience tailored completely for you to make you feel like the super star you are.
I’d love to hear what your perfect day of self-seduction would look like. Let me know in the comments below!
- A Brief Introduction and Ramblings of Self-Seduction (kieradailey.wordpress.com)
- Ahem… RAWR! Seduction, Hip Rolls, Poles, and Unlocking My Divine Femininity in My Living Room (kieradailey.wordpress.com)
- I believe in ecstasy! (talk2katrina.wordpress.com)
- mystic’s Pampering Her (mysticsmindfuck.com)
- Sweetening Up My Life A Bit (reasonsxtoxlive.wordpress.com)