“It amazes me that most people spend more time planning next summer’s vacation than they do planning the rest of their lives.”
I do it too – spend so much time talking the fantastical things that I want to do that I miss out on everyday opportunities to that are equally fantastical. I’ve made leaps and bounds in this department. If all miracles are equal in abundance and greatness then all opportunities for awesome be equal abundance in greatness, at least this is how it works in my mind.
I have a dream adventure – I’ve planned it out, I talk about it, I even Pinned it out once upon a time. I know exactly how much time and money I would have to put towards it – it isn’t in the cards this month unless I win the lottery or receive a mysterious large sum of money I’m sure you’ve thought about it too.
” You don’t need a vacation when there’s nothing to escape from.”
I’m a gushing fan of designing your own perfection (perfect hour, morning, afternoon, or whole damn day) because I truly believe that happiness
should be is at your fingertips whenever you choose to grasp it.
What do you have planned for yourself tomorrow? Or next month? Or next year? What would your life look like if you took the same sense of control and clarity you get planning out a vacation and applied that to planning out your life? You are a co-author of your own life and it is proven that people who feel they have a sense of control over their life are generally happier.
Awareness is key. Are your experiences reinforcing a sense of helplessness or empowerment? Does your day-to-day routine lift you up or hold you suspended in air? Everyone has an end game, somewhere they want to be, are your choices leading you closer to or further from where you want to be?
You were not brought here suffer, you learn it somewhere along the way. We all do. There is every chance for joy wherever you look if only you’d open your gorgeous eyes. There is every reason to smile. There is every reason to shimmy.
There will be crappy days, days that seem to go on for months. There will be broken hearts, bloody noses, and deaths. Everyday can’t be the best day of your life, but the hard things feel so much more crippling when you don’t feel control over your consciousness.
If you could do one thing right now to practice control over your life no matter how small (any action is a quantum leap) what would it be?
If you’re not in control of your life, then who are you giving the reigns to?
One day I’ll squeeze a couple of cute kiddos out into this world and I have to believe that I’m doing my part now to make sure the world they come into is filled with as much love and compassion as possible. I dance, flow, create, pray, believe – whatever I can to add more light into this world.
I want them to know that complete strangers can honestly, deeply care about them. I want them know that miracles are not only possible, but regularly occurring. I want them to know that when they need it the most they will find the love and support to keep going on no matter what. I want them to know that apathy is an ugly thing and the most beautiful thing you can be is compassionate and lit up.
I fancy myself a honey badger in a lot of ways and I actually love what the #NFG movement could mean (aka how I perceive it)
* Doubts (undaunted, never stop just because of fear)
* Glass Ceilings (born to break barriers down)
* Drama (energy sucking)
* Haters (no time)
* Guilty Pleasures (mindless television and pasta!)
But I’ve noticed that it further creates a culture of apathy.
This world needs more people who give 0 f*cks like it needs more people who give their bleeding hearts so freely that they have nothing left to give when it counts. Neither extreme serves the self or the world. Not caring has become the magical solution to all uncomfortable situations. There is no pain if you don’t put yourself out there, no broken hearts if you tuck your compassion inside.
“Everyone wants a magical solution but no one wants to believe in magic.”
Once Upon A Time
The answer is little more than common sense and good dose of easier said than done-ness: some self-responsibility, a little love, and a lot of trusting your gut (because you’re wiser than you think when you really tune in). That magic pill comes down to learning when to put yourself out there; it may not be magic in and of itself, but the bliss of ease and an uncluttered life can feel pretty magical.
Unfortunately it takes a lot of listening and we are an instant gratification society. I want solace now, happiness now, love now, peace NOW! Somewhere along the way the words “worthy” and “deserving” enveloped a sense of selfishness and sloth. We want to feel happy and peaceful and loved, but we want it now, by any means, and damn it we want it without work. By all means, if happiness is readily available to you (and it is) then reach out and grab it, but what we are entitled to are the opportunities that allow feel such and with opportunity there is work. Of course, when you start to embrace the work opportunities to be happy (or loved or peaceful) become more readily available because you see them in every little thing.
As long as you’re alive you will inevitably care and unless you’ve reached some ultimate state of enlightenment (go you!) then at least once in your life you will place your love into someone or something that only serves to teach you a lesson. Don’t let heart-break rob you of your softness or steal your compassion.
You’re not a buffet – your f*cks, energy, time, or love shouldn’t be open feeding for the masses. All of those bits of you are so precious, be careful whom you pay them to. And that should be the real point – not 0 f*cks, select few f*cks.
How will you be more responsible with your heart?
Loving You Always,
“Happy is Hermia, wheresoe’er she lies;
for she hath blessed and attractive eyes.
How came her eyes so bright? Not with salt tears-
if so, my eyes are oft’ner washed than hers.”
- Body blues get to us all from time to time.
- It truly is a journey to fully, wholly, unconditionally love your body.
Not everyone wants to be happy – up until very recently this is a concept that I couldn’t wrap my head around. I can and have racked up arguments and theories about limiting beliefs settled in the subconscious that sabotage happiness at every turn or holding on too tightly to past heartbreaks, the list goes on, but the thought of people (I know and love) intentionally shirking happiness broke my heart a little. You may not know this about me, but I err on the side of happiness communist. Everyone needs to be happy, happy, happy dammit! So this idea that there are people that were legitimately unconcerned with being happy didn’t sit will with me. At all. Surely, they don’t want to be sad. Surely, they mean that they want to be their own versions of happy and what they’re actually unconcerned with is fitting that into societies little box. Happiness, whatever meaning you assign to it, is THE dream. Right?
Not for everyone. Some crave a simplicity that happiness doesn’t always offer.
Pain and happiness, it’s an interesting relationship. My happiest moments were born of some pretty wretched heartbreak. Moreover, in the spirit of the old adage “You cannot know true joy until you know true pain” those heartbreaks made happiness all the more sweet. Everyone has their own version of checking out or numbing themselves for a while, especially after a deep pain, but that isn’t where you want to make your home.
I suppose I understand the appeal, with low expectations every surprise is a pleasant one. No chance of broken hearts or regret or being abandoned. It seems almost like being in constant limbo – just going through the motions everyday. Maybe it’s how I was raised or maybe the acceptance is just built into my bones, but I’ve always had a silent understanding that pain and happiness are package deal and that the road to true joy is often sweaty, sometimes tricky, and always includes a unexpected few pit stops. Somewhere along the way I took it for granted that people would realize and embrace these things too.
We somehow get our wires crossed – commercials, movies, music, magazines, self-help books all make it sound SO easy. Just be happy. See? Easy! And that’s what it really comes down to (at least for the people I’ve talked to about this). It’s easier to hold people at arm’s length, to stay safe and warm at home, to keep everything clean and compartmentalized. Being happy should be easy and clean and simple, but we know all too well that sometimes it just isn’t. Happiness can get a little messy and chaotic, lines blur, sometimes people are hurt unintentionally.
I’ve written quite a few be happy posts because it lights my soul up when the world smiles with me, but alas it’s not up to me to judge what gives someone peace of mind, heaven knows I let my divine freak flag fly high and I believe in people rocking what’s true to them. It really is none of my business. Ultimately for me, there isn’t any question that I would choose joy of ease every time – living in limbo has never been (and will never be) one of my long term goals.
I’ve never chosen anything just because it’s easy. I’m hard-headed and all balls to the wall. Just ask my parents.
Seems like lately I’ve had nothing to say. Rather, I’ve had nothing to say that’s useful in any way other than to join up in the solidarity of an anxious victim mentality that I’ve never supported living in. I’ll admit, there are times it’s nice to gripe and receive some validation that I/you/we aren’t alone in our neuroses, but do we really need one more ranting, raving, whining, self-indulgent diatribe? Probably not.
Truth is that I’ve been letting life whirl right past me. Anxiety makes a terrible home. I needed to meditate, pray, hike, dance, scream, SOMETHING, but I was stuck. That feeling of trying to moving forward through a thick, sludgy swamp just became so exhausting that I didn’t want to fight it anymore. And so listless, I remained. To say that there was no discernible inspiration to glean around me would be a lie – my eyes were closed. Going through the motions.
It’s not secret that I’ve dealt with depression most of my life, but anxiety is a relatively new to me (I had a very blessed childhood). Depression I can work through, but an anxiety that I feel that I can’t surmount on my own works steadily to freeze me in my tracks. The mantras I’ve etched into my mind come out effortlessly, but never ease the bite of worry – and dammit, the stuff worry is made of gets next to nothing done. “Go with the flow. Pray and throw some work into it. Everything will be okay.”
Worry is useless and exhausting. Period.
Judging from the #ijustcant posts, I’m not the only one that stalls out from time to time so let me tell you why you just can:
1. You are made of the same stuff as all great people, all great things, natural wonders, visionaries. Everything is made up of energy, and for the less-woowoo everything is made up of atoms and molecules (check out particle theory!). It’s physics, we are literally made up of the same stuff.
2. Everything, and I do mean everything, that you have been through up until now has made you who you are today and who you are is perfection in every moment. Period. Seriously, you are where you need to be and who you need to be in every single moment. Your heaviest burdens have been your biggest blessings – I shit you not.
3. When your heart gets broken over a botched dream, a less than ideal romance, or something as simple an insult or backhanded compliment that struck too close to home – you have the choice to break open. Breaking open leaves room for all the good stuff to come in.
4. To build on breaking open, shutting down will just turn you into a 2 year old Big Mac. You may not rot, but you’ll harden and stay stuck as you are right now. The way I see it, if you’re in the mindset of stagnation then it definitely isn’t the mode you want to be stuck in forever. Not making a choice is a choice unto itself.
5. You have to. You weren’t created to hold onto pain, to thrive in a house built on fear, anxiety, or depression. You were created to rise and fight. You were created to move forward and align your will with the highest good. Whomever, whatever you believe in put you here in the perfect place and time and you WILL overcome.
6. Living your life like any shred of goodness or decency found in humanity is a surprise becomes poisonous all too quickly. Distrust may feel like self-preservation, but it’s not; trust is not the enemy, it never has been.
7. There are perfect strangers that love and believe in you; they hold sacred space for your best self to be realized and brought to fruition.