True change begins with an un-learning. The only thing we feared as children were the monsters that lurked and bumped ‘neath our bed. We were lucky, at least most of us were; we didn’t let loneliness or insignificance drive our behavior and decisions. We ran wild and free, again most of us, and look back to those days envious of the freedom of obligation, ability to create effortlessly, and to love without the thought to abandonment.I recently came across this spoken word piece and it left me gob-smacked and teary eyed. “remember what we forgot?” he asks; such a simple, but evocative question with an answer that’s anything but simple. There are times I ponder while sitting in traffic moving haltingly between a passionate life in love and intentional bliss and moving listlessly through the motions – I wonder what I would have thought of me – back then when I didn’t know the meaning of limits and my heart was wide open, unmarred by media influence and the ego’s fearful lies.Would she be proud? Hurt? Disenchanted with the distant definition that “adult” came to hold? I live my life on purpose, burgeoning with love every damn day. Of course there are moments I fall, but I refuse to let my scraped knees and humbled heart grip the concrete any longer than necessary to heal and grow. Over time I have learned not to make fear my home; I’ve learned to take it easy – shit happens and mistakes are made. When this beautiful woman Kate Northrup spoke at Wanderlust she said “You can’t beat yourself up enough for (…), I can’t find myself wrong enough times to stop that behavior…”. Talk about struck a chord, that was an a-ha moment in spades. She was speaking specifically about money, but isn’t this true in every facet of life? Beating yourself up, making yourself wrong will never spur sustainable change and most certainly never elicit joy.If there has been anything I’ve forgotten from my years of playing tag until dark and hustling for the latest Barney gear it is that love knows no bounds, no color, no economic background, no difference in strife and that every act from fear and hatred and exclusion and separation is equally saddening. None are better or worse.
"Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder in which a person is excessively preoccupied with personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity, mentally unable to see the destructive damage they are causing to themselves and to others in the process."