Walking into 2016 Empty, New Years, Transformation - Photo Courtesy of Mariona Campany via Unsplash

New Year Part Deux: I’m Walking in Empty

And now one about walking into 2016.

I’m walking in empty. There are no resolutions to be found here. Sure there are things that I would like to see come to pass, but it has nothing to do with that half-hearted and short-lived annual goal planning.

I’m not short on faith. Or love. Or light.

But I do plan on walking into this year empty.
I’m walking in empty of my attachments to that certain outcome.
I’m walking in empty of complacency.
Empty of heart aching. Empty of the weight of the past year.
Empty of half-hearted yeses and settling. Empty of give-a-damns about societal norms.
Empty of the will to chase.
And just plain ol’ empty of the flotsam jetsam from the trials of living.

No reason to hold on.

I’m emptying all of that out to make space.
Instead of holding on to my way, I’m making space for divine miracles.
Instead of complacency, I’m making space for full presence and passion.
Instead of heart ache, I’m making space for compliment.
Instead of the weight of the past year, I’m making space for the many, many, many blessings to come… forever.
Instead of settling, I’m making space for all of the spine-tingling, lusty, awe-inspiring HELL YESES.
Instead of wasting my fucks on societal norms, I’m making space for, well… me.
Instead of chasing, I’m making space for receiving.
And instead of detritus, I’m making space what I treasure most – those I love.

My walking into 2016 empty is intentional and joyous.

I’m empty because I’m burnt out on conventional knowledge being my means to an end.
I’m empty because my way should be in alignment with divine way.
I’m empty because all of that crap that I couldn’t throw away and all of the stories I cleaved to took up the space in my heart and head and life that magic should have held.

I have this kind of feeling that the last two years have been setting us all up for something pure magic in the near future.

Walk into 2016 empty with me! Tell, me what are you leaving behind and what are you making space for?

Love Always,
Me

Connecting the Dots: 2015 in Review

This time of the the year is ripe with reflective posts; every year between Thanksgiving and the New Years everyone wants to reflect on the happenings of the year gone by. These past two years have been a little rough so I haven’t exactly been inclined to think about everything that has transpired. While you won’t find any New Year’s Resolutions here, I do feel like it’s time to put these painful things to rest and reflect on the lessons learned. This past year – really, the past two years – could be subtitled: Why I Stayed or Lady in Waiting. I spent my time waiting on someone to come back, waiting to leave, waiting to begin building on my dreams, waiting, waiting, waiting. You see, my Life Path is endurance and somehow I must have picked up the wrong definition of endurance along the way; my path is endurance because I am built for the marathon, but to me enduring meant I could take inordinate amount of crap and still keep soldiering on. Done with that story.

So this year I got mad. I got sad. Then I got very sad. I got trashy drunk once or twice and sang broken-hearted country songs. I was fiercely loyal to everyone but myself, honestly because taking on everyone else’s woes was easier than dealing with my own. I made excuses for why everyone else’s shit was more important than mine. Somewhere along the way I became the Disney Damsel; never mind me over here just waiting for my prince to return from war, waiting to leave misery behind, waiting to get off my ass and put passion into motion.

Let my year be a study in the detriment of hapless waiting. I spent all of that time hanging on the outskirts of my self. No presence. I was physically present of course, but my mind and heart were elsewhere. I’m not big on regrets, but I haven’t been giving myself fully to the people or the projects that I love and that is its own kind of little hell.

It wasn’t a wasted year. I have made some wonderful friends, gone through countless adventures, finally took my dream-building into my own hands, discovered a LOT of BS limiting beliefs that I have kept alive for years. Some powerful shit. My inner-queen of silver linings has me believing that these past two years have been setting me up for something bigger and better. I cleared out a LOT of detritus, let go of even more placeholders.
If I have learned anything in this life it is that trials are blessings by way of lessons. This year was a stellar freakin’ learning tool. Let’s review:

♥ All forgiveness is divine, but there is one type of forgiveness that will let you lay your head down at night in peace. Forgiveness of self.
♥ Being fearless ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. I would rather be undaunted.
♥ A “means to an end” mentality can be soul-dream crushing. Instead, fall in love with process – fall in love with the hustle.
♥ Hold out for a “Hell Yes!” Energy is the most valuable form of currency and giving it out so freely will you completely spent when something you truly, deeply, soulfully want comes waltzing by.
♥ Spiritual buffets, practices, and affirmations are for naught if you can’t find a way to take that joy/peace/divineconnection into the world. Be the freakin’ light people.
♥ Anger, unrest, discontent – none of these are inherently evil, but they should serve as a catalyst to figure out how to bring more love in. Always.
♥ Hobbies aren’t just busy work, they are soul-feeding.
♥ This one I had a huge issue with – granting grace and giving fucks are not anywhere near close to the same. Granting grace allows you a sort of psychic protection to be compassionate without being emotionally invested.
♥ Loyal to a fault is really just a cutesy way of saying I am fiercely loyal to everyone, but myself. Boundaries are sanity-saving. Reserving energy for those Hell Yes’s is fire-stoking. Standards are down-right sexy. Took me 27 years to learn and I still falter.
♥ Not everyone was meant to love me – and that’s okay.
♥ Finally, it is a hard, hard road to joy. Most people are content being comfortable because happiness… true joy… often times takes difficult decisions, endurance, and constant re-commitment. Comfortable is easy, but it ain’t for me.

I would love it if you shared with me what you learned this year!

Love Always,
Me

Obsessively Seeking Sunshine?

This isn’t my usual long-winded post, I tried to keep it short and sweet today so you can get on with your Friday…

There is trouble in always seeking sunshine. Sure, we all want to be full of joy and lollipops, but blind optimism isn’t healthy or helpful.

If happiness is the mainstream drug of the moment, just enough enhances  your life beautifully, a little more and your vision (read: clarity) begins to get impaired, dangerous doses leave you hallucinating (read: delusional) and chasing a high you just can’t get to (rose-hued sunshine-y rainbows).

I see magazines and (some) self-help selling rose-hued blinders, but it’s super easy, super fast fluff. Not all of it, but I’ve taken my fair share of snake oil so maybe I’m jaded. Maybe I’ve just learned where to look for the answer.
Trouble with Seeking Sunshine
Where is this everlasting, bubbling cauldron of happiness and sunshine?

For me?

In the simplest terms: practicing full presence and learning to find peace and joy in every moment. I am not truly happy unless I feel connected – to a higher power, to nature, to myself, to everyone and everything. This doesn’t guarantee endless good times and Popsicle smiles, but it does set you in a position of power to choose joy and love in every moment.

Chasing down what most people can’t even seem to define for themselves seems sort of like sniffing out Atlantis. Exhausting. Fruitless. Maddening. Learning to love the moment, learning to always be in THIS moment, happening right here, right now – well, that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? Joy is with you always and the choice to experience that joy is with you always in the present moment; to become aware and take advantage of it is entirely up to you.

Love Always,
Me

Self-Love Doesn’t Look Like You Think It Would

My kind of self-love doesn’t look like rainbows, glitter, and relentless pats on the back. It doesn’t center around treating myself like a princess or self-importance. It probably doesn’t feel as nice, as gentile as you think it would or should.

It’s more like unrelenting acceptance.

I don’t know how it happened, but there’s a disconnect between the current social agenda and self-love. Somehow setting hard boundaries makes you a bitch. Somehow setting high standards of treatment makes you entitled. Somehow wanting more makes you ungrateful. Wrong. wrong, and wrong again.

The way we speak to ourselves can literally make or break us. Most of the time it isn’t society holding us down, we have our own glass ceilings to break through. We have our perceptions to reframe. This is life altering, life saving kind of love and it is of the utmost importance that everyone finds it. The world cannot run on empty and if no one is spending the time to fall in love with themselves, well that’s exactly what we will get.

So what’s standing in your way?

♥ Comparison. She has that and he does this. Oh my! You have two choices here, either set your brain on stun and focus on getting yours OR take a step back and realize that they are not you. The secret of the happiest, most self-lovingest people? They don’t care what other people have going on – they are too busy living their best life. We could wax philosophical over set points and breaking through those glass ceilings, but that is an entirely different post. Instead I will just offer this – you are your own person and you are never given more than you can handle, but this also includes the good stuff. Accept where you are. Love where you are. Don’t worry about them.

Crappy stories. Not sure if you realize this, but we tell ourselves stories all of the time and we literally rearrange our reality to make them come true. You’re always late? Keep telling yourself that, all you accomplish is setting yourself up in circumstances that will prove you right. Everyone you love leaves you? If you’re happy with that hamster wheel keep telling yourself this as you ignore the Dead End signs that are probably pretty clearly posted. That person won’t walk away, he or she will run because you will create all sorts of reality to ensure your crappy story comes true. This is not from a place of heartlessness. Things happen to us, it’s true. There are certainly things that happen beyond our control. That is why it is imperative to take responsibility where you can. Life will throw you enough curve balls without you tripping over a hamster wheel of your own creation.

Perfection. I am perfection. So are you. Where we are right now is perfection. But this isn’t the perfection that you learn about in the Webster’s Dictionary.  I love my journey; it has been 27 years long and sometimes painful, but it is mine and every thing I have been through has brought me to where I am and I think I’m pretty damn groovy. The perfection we’re striving for is more like a perfect state of acceptance not a shiny, flawless, plastic. There’s a little too much “Don’t stop until you’re perfect.” and not enough “You are a perfect, whole being as you are now.” in the world.

Enabling ain’t self-love. There’s this meme that literally drives me crazy – if he can’t handle you at your worst, then he doesn’t deserve you at your best. I have to clarify – I wholeheartedly agree with that. If you love someone (yourself included), you love all of their sides. What this does not do is excuse you living beneath yourself. If you surround yourself with people who engage and encourage your lowest level behaviors that is exactly where you will stay. Responsibility is a huge part of the self-love package, but it is also the most difficult to confront. So yes – strive for people in your life that will accept your darkest moments, but don’t make the mistake of the people in your life shouldn’t be holding you to the standard of your highest self.

Martyrdom. I think I write about this more than just about anything. Perhaps because this is the number one thing I am guilty of. Lowering yourself, debasing yourself, shoving your needs and wants to the side just to lift someone else up won’t fix the world any faster. There is nothing selfish about taking care of yourself. In fact, when you are running on full energy don’t you shine just a little bit brighter? Aren’t you just that much more kind/patient/nurturing/present/giving/loving/what have you? Taking care of yourself is taking care of the people you love. You can’t give your all, if you aren’t your all.

Choose love today and everyday. It IS a choice and not always an easy one.

Love Always,
Me

How To Love A Woman On Fire

to love a woman on fire

How do you love a woman on fire?

Come as you are. This woman chose you today and everyday not because of who you could be. She does not simply bet on potential and she doesn’t want to save you from yourself. She meets you where you are and loves you perfectly in every stage of transformation. Do the same for her. She is a force to be sure, but she is not perfection.

Rise where she falls. It will get messy. It is a little chaos, but all beauty. This woman knows what she wants and is her own advocate. At times, most of the time, she will fall short of perfection because there is never truly balance. Be patient with her.

Be gentle. You may confuse her fire for being unshakable, but fire does not make her invincible. In fact, just the opposite. She openly embraces vulnerability. She is a warrior of a different kind – light warrior, love warrior. Be gentle, but do not tiptoe around her – she can take it.

Be real. She craves truth. She embodies something more than extraordinary and you will instinctively rise to meet your best self because of her. Authentically. This woman is never in it to change you, she never pulls you to be something else. All she will ever ask of you is to simply be you.

Be fiercely loyal to her. And to yourself. She is fiercely loyal to all in her tribe. She is not in this to save you, but she will be damned if she sits idly by while you need something. She will probably never be the woman that waits on you hand and foot, but she will show up for you every time without hesitation or need to ask.

Love her senselessly. Adore this woman openly. Hold her close every chance you can. You may not be able to help yourself – to love this woman is to become a little love drunk. That’s okay. To know her is to love her and you cannot help but be pulled into her. Her aura is a mile-wide.

Let her go and welcome her back with open arms. It is in her nature to run off and recharge. Have faith in her return, she is probably just off howling at the moon and twirling on mountaintops. Relax. She is not running from you, but to herself. Her freedom and spirituality are so intertwined that who is to say where one begins and one ends? Nature is the embodiment of her higher power.

Try and never stop trying. She doesn’t perfection, she just wants your all.