I am naturally a people pleaser – a compulsive yes-ser and after years of putting way too much of myself out there when it not only did not benefit me, but actually hurt me in the end I have considerably tamped down my people pleasing. A couple of years later I’m still paying for some of those decisions.
Now I know better and I weigh the possibilities before I jump into things (most of the time). It’s still hard for me to say no sometimes, but I’ve learned a few things that I would like to share with you:
- When I say yes out of compulsion rather than from a place of love and well-thought decision I feel like poop about giving it up – time, money, furniture, whatever it is; I feel the lack. I want to feel GOOD about giving.
- It’s important to want to please myself – you can’t fill anyone’s cup if you’re running on empty.
- Saying yes to everyone doesn’t only take away from me, it takes away from others as well. If I say yes to everything I’ll be too tired and too out of resources when a “hell yes” comes along.
For the sake of mental, financial, and even physical health – cut the people pleasing just for the sake of keeping everyone happy. Remove the world from your shoulders abruptly.
Along with compulsive yes-sing tends to come an underlying (and muy limiting) belief that you (I, we) need to be everyone’s friend and this is just not true. Be cordial with and full of love for everyone that crosses your path, but you simply are not going to make a genuine companionship with everyone that crosses your path – and that is okay. It’s not your job to befriend the world.
We have all come across people who just don’t vibe well with us and it’s not going to serve you to try to force a connection. The only thing that will come of that is a lesson (hopefully one you learn quickly and easily) and probable heartache on one or both parts.
It’s easy to get the “treat others with kindness” all twisted up with friendship, especially for someone who just want to make the world happy. So let me leave you with another way to look at this:
“Be friendly with everyone” is not the same as “be friends with everyone”.
- Our Bodies, Our Souls (patcegan.wordpress.com)
- The Path to a New and Improved You (saintpatrickk.com)
- So much to learn, walk beside me my friend! (megnocero.wordpress.com)