Why Do I Write Live Hard Love Hard?

Often while meeting or getting better acquainted with people passing through my life I get the “So what do you do?’ question and I tell them a bit about my “ho” job easily (desk jockey), but I always feel this niggling of hesitancy pulling at my insides before I move forward. I’ve always been quite adept at reading people and making a prediction of sorts to their reaction of things and some of the people that I have come across just don’t get it. Maybe I’m not confident enough in my influence or writing skill; this blog, after all, is still in its infancy. I describe the blog as being inspirational, full of spiritual bitch slaps (yes I went there), reminders, my own a-ha moments, letters, permission slips, and some self-love lessons wrapped up in unconventional methods and anecdotes. With some people I can feel that they just get it, and with some I can feel the eyes rolling already – “What makes you think it’s inspirational? Don’t you have a real life? Who spends hours of their day online scurrying through page after page of blogs?” Okay that last one is paraphrased, I’m the only person I know that naturally speaks like that. I calmly go through the questions one by one and answer as proudly and eloquently as possible. The truth is, I write for myself. I write during the moments of the most anguish, frustration, and disappointment; I write when I feel myself no longer just witnessing the world, but falling prey to it; I write down my lessons, rituals, and a-ha moments as a tool for awareness. This blog reminds me of how far I’ve come and puts self-sabotaging and patterns of fear square in front of my face and for all of the world to see and accountability has been pinnacle in my growth. If I get to a place I feel like I’ve been before, or even if I’m just having an off hour or week I come back to Live Hard Love Hard and re-read to remind myself that I have already learned this or that lesson and I know where the path of fear has lead me in the past – now is the time to react from love.

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