Self-Love Doesn’t Look Like You Think It Would

My kind of self-love doesn’t look like rainbows, glitter, and relentless pats on the back. It doesn’t center around treating myself like a princess or self-importance. It probably doesn’t feel as nice, as gentile as you think it would or should.

It’s more like unrelenting acceptance.

I don’t know how it happened, but there’s a disconnect between the current social agenda and self-love. Somehow setting hard boundaries makes you a bitch. Somehow setting high standards of treatment makes you entitled. Somehow wanting more makes you ungrateful. Wrong. wrong, and wrong again.

The way we speak to ourselves can literally make or break us. Most of the time it isn’t society holding us down, we have our own glass ceilings to break through. We have our perceptions to reframe. This is life altering, life saving kind of love and it is of the utmost importance that everyone finds it. The world cannot run on empty and if no one is spending the time to fall in love with themselves, well that’s exactly what we will get.

So what’s standing in your way?

♥ Comparison. She has that and he does this. Oh my! You have two choices here, either set your brain on stun and focus on getting yours OR take a step back and realize that they are not you. The secret of the happiest, most self-lovingest people? They don’t care what other people have going on – they are too busy living their best life. We could wax philosophical over set points and breaking through those glass ceilings, but that is an entirely different post. Instead I will just offer this – you are your own person and you are never given more than you can handle, but this also includes the good stuff. Accept where you are. Love where you are. Don’t worry about them.

Crappy stories. Not sure if you realize this, but we tell ourselves stories all of the time and we literally rearrange our reality to make them come true. You’re always late? Keep telling yourself that, all you accomplish is setting yourself up in circumstances that will prove you right. Everyone you love leaves you? If you’re happy with that hamster wheel keep telling yourself this as you ignore the Dead End signs that are probably pretty clearly posted. That person won’t walk away, he or she will run because you will create all sorts of reality to ensure your crappy story comes true. This is not from a place of heartlessness. Things happen to us, it’s true. There are certainly things that happen beyond our control. That is why it is imperative to take responsibility where you can. Life will throw you enough curve balls without you tripping over a hamster wheel of your own creation.

Perfection. I am perfection. So are you. Where we are right now is perfection. But this isn’t the perfection that you learn about in the Webster’s Dictionary.  I love my journey; it has been 27 years long and sometimes painful, but it is mine and every thing I have been through has brought me to where I am and I think I’m pretty damn groovy. The perfection we’re striving for is more like a perfect state of acceptance not a shiny, flawless, plastic. There’s a little too much “Don’t stop until you’re perfect.” and not enough “You are a perfect, whole being as you are now.” in the world.

Enabling ain’t self-love. There’s this meme that literally drives me crazy – if he can’t handle you at your worst, then he doesn’t deserve you at your best. I have to clarify – I wholeheartedly agree with that. If you love someone (yourself included), you love all of their sides. What this does not do is excuse you living beneath yourself. If you surround yourself with people who engage and encourage your lowest level behaviors that is exactly where you will stay. Responsibility is a huge part of the self-love package, but it is also the most difficult to confront. So yes – strive for people in your life that will accept your darkest moments, but don’t make the mistake of the people in your life shouldn’t be holding you to the standard of your highest self.

Martyrdom. I think I write about this more than just about anything. Perhaps because this is the number one thing I am guilty of. Lowering yourself, debasing yourself, shoving your needs and wants to the side just to lift someone else up won’t fix the world any faster. There is nothing selfish about taking care of yourself. In fact, when you are running on full energy don’t you shine just a little bit brighter? Aren’t you just that much more kind/patient/nurturing/present/giving/loving/what have you? Taking care of yourself is taking care of the people you love. You can’t give your all, if you aren’t your all.

Choose love today and everyday. It IS a choice and not always an easy one.

Love Always,
Me
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