This time of the the year is ripe with reflective posts; every year between Thanksgiving and the New Years everyone wants to reflect on the happenings of the year gone by. These past two years have been a little rough so I haven’t exactly been inclined to think about everything that has transpired. While you won’t find any New Year’s Resolutions here, I do feel like it’s time to put these painful things to rest and reflect on the lessons learned. This past year – really, the past two years – could be subtitled: Why I Stayed or Lady in Waiting. I spent my time waiting on someone to come back, waiting to leave, waiting to begin building on my dreams, waiting, waiting, waiting. You see, my Life Path is endurance and somehow I must have picked up the wrong definition of endurance along the way; my path is endurance because I am built for the marathon, but to me enduring meant I could take inordinate amount of crap and still keep soldiering on. Done with that story.
So this year I got mad. I got sad. Then I got very sad. I got trashy drunk once or twice and sang broken-hearted country songs. I was fiercely loyal to everyone but myself, honestly because taking on everyone else’s woes was easier than dealing with my own. I made excuses for why everyone else’s shit was more important than mine. Somewhere along the way I became the Disney Damsel; never mind me over here just waiting for my prince to return from war, waiting to leave misery behind, waiting to get off my ass and put passion into motion.
Let my year be a study in the detriment of hapless waiting. I spent all of that time hanging on the outskirts of my self. No presence. I was physically present of course, but my mind and heart were elsewhere. I’m not big on regrets, but I haven’t been giving myself fully to the people or the projects that I love and that is its own kind of little hell.
It wasn’t a wasted year. I have made some wonderful friends, gone through countless adventures, finally took my dream-building into my own hands, discovered a LOT of BS limiting beliefs that I have kept alive for years. Some powerful shit. My inner-queen of silver linings has me believing that these past two years have been setting me up for something bigger and better. I cleared out a LOT of detritus, let go of even more placeholders.
If I have learned anything in this life it is that trials are blessings by way of lessons. This year was a stellar freakin’ learning tool. Let’s review:
♥ All forgiveness is divine, but there is one type of forgiveness that will let you lay your head down at night in peace. Forgiveness of self.
♥ Being fearless ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. I would rather be undaunted.
♥ A “means to an end” mentality can be soul-dream crushing. Instead, fall in love with process – fall in love with the hustle.
♥ Hold out for a “Hell Yes!” Energy is the most valuable form of currency and giving it out so freely will you completely spent when something you truly, deeply, soulfully want comes waltzing by.
♥ Spiritual buffets, practices, and affirmations are for naught if you can’t find a way to take that joy/peace/divineconnection into the world. Be the freakin’ light people.
♥ Anger, unrest, discontent – none of these are inherently evil, but they should serve as a catalyst to figure out how to bring more love in. Always.
♥ Hobbies aren’t just busy work, they are soul-feeding.
♥ This one I had a huge issue with – granting grace and giving fucks are not anywhere near close to the same. Granting grace allows you a sort of psychic protection to be compassionate without being emotionally invested.
♥ Loyal to a fault is really just a cutesy way of saying I am fiercely loyal to everyone, but myself. Boundaries are sanity-saving. Reserving energy for those Hell Yes’s is fire-stoking. Standards are down-right sexy. Took me 27 years to learn and I still falter.
♥ Not everyone was meant to love me – and that’s okay.
♥ Finally, it is a hard, hard road to joy. Most people are content being comfortable because happiness… true joy… often times takes difficult decisions, endurance, and constant re-commitment. Comfortable is easy, but it ain’t for me.
I would love it if you shared with me what you learned this year!