Not-so-jokingly, I’ve been known to quip “Patience just isn’t my virtue.” – often in regard to petty things I couldn’t be bothered to wait for. Contrary to my “petty times” mantra, if one were to ask my closest friends they would paint me as a patient woman; I just like to think I choose my battles well.
When I remember who I am (love child of the divine and rebellion) and what I am (miracle maker and earth rattler), I am in my “right” mind. There is no room for anxiety or worry because my hands are too busy building to wring them fitfully, my mind is too focused on the moment to future trip*, my heart is too full of faith to deflate with impatience.
Faith that divining forces are vying for you through blessings AND lessons can serve as an exercise in anxiety and futility without the other half of the equation. We can throw up all of the prayers and requests we desire, but without the same strength of faith in Divine Timing we quickly become a fussy ball of impatient chaos. This missing piece can take that feeling of begrudging the mysterious deity playing with us like a chess match to deep breaths and “All in good time” mantras.
“But when? When?!” we cry as we half-heartedly cleave to belief that the universe or God or whatever you’re holding holy is conspiring in our favor. That waiting begins to feel like being stuck; if idle hands are the devil’s playground, an idle mind can play host to an ego all too eager to run around an anxiety filled merry-go-round. The only antidote is full surrender. No asking when it’s coming, no nights lying awake wondering and begging for signs. The anxiety and restlessness should dissipate without much effort beyond this shift.
No matter how scientific or magical your formula for manifestation may be you must fully surrender to the process. Your job is to move your feet, pray, and hustle like hell – not fret over when it’s coming. You’ve been heard. Everything in due time.
Are you checking in every 5 minutes wondering where your miracle is? Have you been twiddling your anxious thumbs waiting for your blessing to arrive? Surrender and then surrender some more.
*Shout out to Gabby Bernstein
Where does a man go for redemption
Where does he take a broken heart
Shouldn’t there be some small exemption
If he does all that it takes
To admit to his mistakes
Til the truth batters and breaks his world apart
I could ask for my forgiveness
From the heavens high above
Tell myself my prayers are gonna somehow be enough
-Kenny Chesney “Always Gonna Be You”
Where does true forgiveness lie? Etched in the pews of a modest country road church? Locked within the heart of the wronged? Hidden in the subtext of a love song, just waiting to strike out like an epiphany? In the hands of the divine, ready and always wanting to be given (if only we accept)? Buried somewhere beneath our guilt and Sacred Lies and ambivalence?
The answer comes in pieces.
Forgiveness from another is nice. It’s comfort. It’s catharsis. It can be closure. It is not, however, necessary to move on – in spite of what we tell ourselves. I’ve learned that often the best you can do is sincerely apologize (justifications can taint the sincerity), make amends (if possible), and then move it along. They’ll come around or they won’t.
Forgiveness from the divine is wholly attainable and, for me, wholly necessary. Simply ask, simply be ready to receive and it is ours. I believe in a great many things, a benevolent divining force is high on that list.
You could stop here, many do, but then you’re stopping short on that road to true peace of mind. Yes, apologize to the wronged and seek forgiveness from the divine, but ultimately this missing peace comes from somewhere a little closer to home.
So often we keep ourselves plied with guilt. Self-flagellation is an unfortunate hobby – and a popular one. We literally drive ourselves crazy holding onto guilt. We internalize OR side-step OR project and transform the issue at hand until barely recognizable OR disguise it as a never-ending grand quest to win the approval of God. Maybe it’s some amalgamation of all of the above. Everyone is different.
You may never get the forgiveness you seek wrapped in a neat little bow (or at all). You may never receive the final word from above that you’re good to go (trust me, you are). What you can do is take control of the person keeping you up nights, browbeating you, infringing upon (and projecting in) other relationships, because it’s you.
Forgive and forgive again. Forgive everyone and everything like it’s going out of style. Forgive hard and often until day by day (and then moment by moment) you begin to feel the weight of fear, guilt, regret, and ill-wishes slide off your shoulders and into the Earth to be neutralized and left behind.
This is the one ‘F’ word that will always end in joy. It may hurt at first, but remember…
“Being genuinely happy means you’re okay being unhappy”
Is something weighing you down? What are you holding onto that is keeping you cycle of dwelling and guilt?
What can you forgive yourself for? What can you let go of?
Leave a comment. Write a letter to yourself. Pray. Whatever you have to do to acknowledge and release it.
Are you having the right conversations?
With yourself? Your romantic partner? The world? The Universe?
Many times we put our emphasis on the things we want to avoid instead of the things we want to attract. I was beyond disheartened with all of the fear-based (read: lashing out) talk and action that sprung from the recent profile cases of racism and police brutality. My personal feelings about those cases aside, this is not the direction we’re supposed to be moving in.
Some of the #blacklivesmatter movement actions resonate with me (though I wish it simply #livesmatter) and some things repel me. Anger in and of itself isn’t negative, but you get to choose what action is borne of it.
It goes right down to law of attraction (like attracts like) – when you put your focus unto a thing it gives it power and pulls it right in close to you. If you ever wanted to know why your ‘I don’t want’s are front and center, here you are. Running away from something, lack mentality, praying not to be overweight, underweight, in debt, in a job you loathe – all the universe picks up on is the focus.
It’s all set up to get you just what you want, if you keep praying to just make it to the end if the week, you’re going to continue to just make it.
Change your perspective, change your life. Step outside of the lack mentality and the negative focus and just change the way you speak to yourself and so many doors open. The reality is you can’t move forward unless you have a firm grip on what you’re moving toward.
I found myself waxing philosophical on what we shouldn’t be and where we shouldn’t be heading. Maybe rants are what I needed at the time, but I’m a natural rallier (if that’s not a word it should be; one who *effin rallies) and I can only run from something for so long, – I’m much more a charge forward kinda gal.
Please join me in a recommitment to charging forward. A recommitment to co-authoring our respective lives. A recommitment to desire. A recommitment to self-awareness, acceptance, and stepping into our true power.
We are the only thing standing in our way. We can have the lives we want. We can raise the vibrancy and vibrational frequency of this whole world. We can clear the bad things and create room for the good to flood in. We can. One action at a time, one day at a time. You know what they say about drops of water and the ocean, don’t you?
In so many days
we trip over the jumble of words
that clutter our pages
like our subtext is written
right between the lines.
These rules aren’t new:
What do you want?
Clarity is the root
of all exquisite things done.
What do you want?
Blessings meet the hands
of those charging forward,
not those idle and wanting.
Your wants and needs will be met.
Remove the blocks
that “limit” you.
Be ready and willing to receive.
You were not made for ceilings,
you are without limits.
A love warrior.
Get clear again.