Photo Provided By Josh Felise via Unsplash, kiss, couple, love

An Ode To Quiet Love

I forgot about quiet love.
Love that only subtly let’s its presence be known.
I forgot about gentle love.
Love that doesn’t prod or pull you into unnatural shapes and tornadoes.
I forgot so deeply that I held no regard,
no value,
no recognition for the thing.
I’d only known love out loud.
The kind of love that flings itself up the stairs
to make declarations before the world.
The kind that stamps its feet
and says every little sweet nothing way out loud
because the noise makes the love real and big.
Enduring love that stings,
but is oh so satisfying
in that you know the passion and tension
will keep you going
well past the point
“let’s call it quits and still be friends”.
I began to believe that quiet love
is not love at all,
but a passionless,
cowardice,
avoidance of emotion.
I couldn’t see it as a real love.
I thought real love twirls you around the dance floor,
fights for you –
even if it’s against you,
and makes the grand gesture at just the right time.
I forgot about silent love that penetrates the soul
with just time and no words.
I fought the legitimacy of it all –
my intimacy always caught in frenzy.
I forgot about quiet love.

This is when I realized that I had succumb to a hidden Disney princess dream. How had I deluded myself into thinking it had passed me over? There it was: I wasn’t waiting for the someone to rescue me from a tower – I’m no damsel, but I was waiting though for someone to make the grand gesture. Run to the mountaintops and scream their love for me, prove their love by slaying dragons. This dynamic set me up for even a nice enough guy to never get past the butterflies stage because he couldn’t pull off this thing. I didn’t even know what it was, but it was big and I knew at the end of it that I would know for sure this man would love me forever and there would be no question in my mind.

The only problem with that is the novelty wears off and I’m always looking for the next big gesture to keep my attention, to keep up with the definition of love that I’ve formed.

To be honest, I enjoy a great, big love with passion and healthy dose of tension to keep it going. In my frenzied nature I filled the canyons with thoughts and questions. Don’t question every quiet moment, every wordless exchange. Not everyone can be “on” all of the time. Not every moment is soaked in passion and bliss.

How loud someone confesses their love to you is a poor measuring stick.

What preconceived notion of love are you willing to release?

I Never Thought I Liked Other Girls – and Then I Grew Up

I wouldn’t say I was a tomboy growing up, but I would (still) choose a Tonka Truck over a Barbie Doll any day of the week. In fact, one of my parents’ favorite story to tell is when I cried after my cousin gave me a Barbie Doll for Christmas (not tears of joy, sorry PJ!) My friend circles have always consisted of a male majority; I just didn’t get along with other girls – unless they were a girl that made similar complaints of other females. And so for years I thought I was just “one of those girls” that couldn’t/wouldn’t get along with other girls.

Whiny, shallow, impatient, self-indulgent, competitive, naggy! Ugh. Frustrating. A closer look and these were the things I didn’t care for in myself either which doubled my generalized dislike. Why would I want to spend my time around other people that reflected all of the things that irritated me about myself? That just doesn’t make sense.

Today most of my inner-circle has a bit more balance – the male population still maintains a slight majority, but I have A LOT more girlfriends than I used to. Where did this shift happen? I grew up and I realized that it wasn’t females in general that I had an issue with; I had an issue with whiny, shallow impatient, self-indulgent PEOPLE and for some (very sad) reason I linked all of these traits to females. So what I got was a buttload of those girls murking up my ability to attract women that share my beliefs and appreciations. I blame Disney movies and Clueless. I spent so much time trying to repel them that they were shipped right to my front door, in spades.

There are women out there (Hello!) that can gab about philosophy, politics, world religion, birthing dreams, miracles just as easily as they can throw out make-up tips, celebrity crushes, and guilty foodie pleasures. These are the women I want in my life. There is far too much competition in life and we are supposed to uplift one another – ladies, we are the source! Far too much dark and ugly in this world for us not inspire one another to shine WAY out loud!

So if you’re one of “those girls” that doesn’t like other girls – take it from an ex-hater and take a closer look at your beliefs surrounding gender stereotypes.