Faith in Divine Will Means Faith in Divine Timing Photo provided by Heather Zabriskie via Unsplash.com

Find Faith in Divine Timing

Not-so-jokingly, I’ve been known to quip “Patience just isn’t my virtue.” – often in regard to petty things I couldn’t be bothered to wait for. Contrary to my “petty times” mantra, if one were to ask my closest friends they would paint me as a patient woman; I just like to think I choose my battles well.

When I remember who I am (love child of the divine and rebellion) and what I am (miracle maker and earth rattler), I am in my “right” mind. There is no room for anxiety or worry because my hands are too busy building to wring them fitfully, my mind is too focused on the moment to future trip*, my heart is too full of faith to deflate with impatience.

Faith that divining forces are vying for you through blessings AND lessons can serve as an exercise in anxiety and futility without the other half of the equation. We can throw up all of the prayers and requests we desire, but without the same strength of faith in Divine Timing we quickly become a fussy ball of impatient chaos. This missing piece can take that feeling of begrudging the mysterious deity playing with us like a chess match to deep breaths and “All in good time” mantras.

“But when? When?!” we cry as we half-heartedly cleave to belief that the universe or God or whatever you’re holding holy is conspiring in our favor. That waiting begins to feel like being stuck; if idle hands are the devil’s playground, an idle mind can play host to an ego all too eager to run around an anxiety filled merry-go-round. The only antidote is full surrender. No asking when it’s coming, no nights lying awake wondering and begging for signs. The anxiety and restlessness should dissipate without much effort beyond this shift.

No matter how scientific or magical your formula for manifestation may be you must fully surrender to the process. Your job is to move your feet, pray, and hustle like hell – not fret over when it’s coming. You’ve been heard. Everything in due time.

Are you checking in every 5 minutes wondering where your miracle is? Have you been twiddling your anxious thumbs waiting for your blessing to arrive? Surrender and then surrender some more.

Love Always,
Me

*Shout out to Gabby Bernstein

Don't spend your days waiting in dream purgatory. Live Hard Love Hard

Is Your Means To An End Mentality Keeping You In Dream Purgatory?

Means to an end. I loathe those words – they make me feel stuck. And that is, by far, my least favorite feeling. My father used to preach “means to an end” and it drove me crazy.

I’d rather find ways to fall in love with process. I’d rather find little things that make the journey pleasant because, if I’m honest, I don’t want it if it’s all strictly blood, sweat, and tears.

So often we start out full steam ahead and fizzle out slowly (sometimes not so slowly). If you’re like me, it’s frustrating. When you’re just not “there” it can be difficult to be honest about it. People think you’re lazy or complacent; you constantly mumble to yourself about being such a dumbass. Excuses, write-offs, unrealized dreams, and pink slips ensue.

But why? Where does the complacency and self shit talking come from?

It doesn’t matter if you’re pursuing your soul passions or biding time at a stepping stone. It doesn’t matter how in love you are with the end game. If you can’t fall in love with every bit of the process, you’re just going through motions until eventually you’re motionless.

I fell out of love with the process.

I like writing… I don’t love it. What I love is sharing my love with as many people as possible. What I love is rallying others toward passionate pursuits. What I love is inspiring people to be their most awesome, authentic selves.

Once upon a time I was in love with the process. When it was all new to me I could churn out content in rapid succession. I was all about keeping up with blogging and marketing trends to extend Live Hard Love Hard’s reach even further. I may have been far from the bloggers I admire, but the feedback was good and the content helped at least a few people.

Somehow, at some point, this became a means to an end. It’s a nice hobby, but what are you going to DO? Fear and self-doubt disguised as practicality. Yay.

I was stuck.

I found other things to do so I “never had the time”. Readership fell with the intermittent posting and, in turn,  the feedback. Everyone says it shouldn’t be about the feedback,  but it can be so nourishing when you’re growing and trying to get dreams off the ground. I whined. A lot. I threw my hands up in harumph. I gave my fearful projections breathing room and they just grew to fill the space.

So then what happens? Awareness means little without action.

Three not so little things are helping me to revive my dream.
  1. Clarify. Rediscover your end game and get very honest with yourself. Maybe,  just,  maybe you didn’t want it as much as you thought you did. Perhaps when you got what you wanted, it turned out to not be what you wanted after all. Things never quite clicked or that certain sense of ease everyone goes on about never set in. If it’s making you miserable, if it’s not where your heart is at, if you truly can’t find anything that makes it worth the hustle, then it’s not throwing in the towel, it’s closing up shop. There’s no shame in changing your mind. If you still get butterflies when you daydream about it then it’s time to play with your plan.
  2. Revise. Your plan needs some shaking up. The what if game gets a bad rap,  but used correctly it can be a powerful brainstorming tool. What if you tweaked this? What if you took that out entirely? What if you outsourced the things you couldn’t make peace with? What if you could make completing the most tedious tasks more like a game? How does the process look after you play with some things? Write it down, sketch it out, do whatever you need to do to get your plan on some paper, the computer, or hell even your wall.
  3. Do. Your game plan means nil if you won’t get off your ass to put it in motion. Now it’s time to begin… or start again. You can only plan so much before it becomes counterproductive. It seems we spend a lot of time waiting for the “right time”, but often we never really quite feel ready. Don’t spend your days waiting in dream purgatory. Begin with the smallest, easiest, or most desirable task.

Now you’re in the thick of it again. Take stock of things – How do you feel going through your to-dos? Is your plan moving you in the right direction? Are you moving at all? Is this still what gives you butterflies?

Wash, rinse, and repeat.

All of the best motivational seminars and self-help books won’t get you anywhere if you aren’t honest with yourself about what you do and don’t want AND about what you are and aren’t willing to do.
Please share with me what you do when you’re feeling stuck.
Love Always,
Me

What to do When the Past Pulls on Your Heartstrings

No matter what you attribute it to. Whether it’s a test from above, a small world scenario, or a thing you never fully dealt with – sometimes things come back ’round. What do you do about it then?

I’ve seen a lot of grief models, broken heart how-to’s, and decimated dream survival guides. Most of them are sorely lacking a key step: detachment. Once you’ve dealt, detach. That’s a post unto itself, but I felt it worth mentioning.

There’s this sort of shame that comes with letting a thing from the past affect you – likely something to do with the same old vulnerability associations with weakness. *I did the work to move on for a year( or two years or longer), I prayed, I worked my ass off, I forgave, I took other opportunities, I accepted, so why do I feel a pull on my heartstrings now?*

It’s maddening, heart-wrenching even. Full circle sucks, but that little niggling sorrow you feel doesn’t put you back to square one.

Own your feelings. Take stock of how you have changed for the better since the whatever-gate occurred. Don’t lose sight of the wonderful Take a moment to fully experience that feeling, whatever it is that you’re feeling. (Really, it’s okay.) Breathe deep. Release. Detach.

Repeat until that heaviness lifts. Repeat until you’re realigned with the divine will for your best-ness in everything. Repeat until it doesn’t sting. Repeat until there’s no shame tied to slipping up. Choose your own life metric system; repeat until you’re back where you need to be on the scale of your choosing.

If a part of you still loves him, still covets that job, still holds onto that dream, still reworks and wonders and what ifs, it doesn’t mean you lose. You know the spiel, it’s all about the journey + accept and love where you are.

Love Always,
Me

A Post of Many Colors: Confessions and Lessons – And, Oh! I’m Jobless.

I am afraid of disappointing people –
no, not just people.
My parents and my man.
I am afraid they will look at me
and I will not be able to raise myself up
to their standards.
I am afraid I won’t be able to take care of them
or they will leave me at a time when I struggling to take care of myself.
Ultimately I am afraid I will let them down.

So I shut down. I don’t show up.
I wait and wonder if I can do this.

I have pretty deeply rooted issues
with my parents on being “good enough”
(Oh! That Sacred Lie)
and these of course have trickled down into relationships of all sorts,
but it plays out the heaviest with my partner.

I don’t always feel this way.
I have done a lot of work on my relationship
with my parents and myself.
Most of the time I feel fully supported
in whatever it is I want to do
and the lack of support I feel in those lesser times
comes from myself.
At those moments I live out of fear
and it is an excuse to not let go and grow.

Why is all of this important to know?
I quit my job –
or rather through fateful circumstances
I attempted to quit
and was consequently fired
for not showing up to work.

I will not bash any institution nor name names of any sort,
but I hated my job.
It was a poor match for both my skillset
and my innate ability for deeper connection.
Staying there was a slap in the face
of my intelligence and personality.
Everyday on my way to work I wanted to cry –
or run my car into a jersey wall
because it was mindless, soulless work.

Don’t get me wrong,
I believe they do good work
and this was just an epic mismatch
of wills, ambitions, and world view –
but no job should make you feel that miserable.
I wasn’t bringing home enough money to be free,
so there was the added stress of paying bills –
definitely could not take up money to go do things
to balance out discontented 40 a week.
Of course this strain took a toll
on all of my relationships
because I became very withdrawn –
but mostly with my partner,
he was very distraught
because he couldn’t do anything
to save my from myself.
In short, I should have left a while ago.

Now I’m gone without a safetynet,
but with the full support
of both my family and my partner,
but I still somehow feel like a disappointment.
Like, I should have stuck it out –
I should have just held out until the holidays are over.
Christmas and Thanksgiving are coming up fast.

It was so draining to be in a place that was all about lack.
You’re good, but you can do better.
We need more of this,
don’t have enough of that.
You’re not doing enough.
You’re not bringing in enough.

I had, had enough.
I choose not to live my life like that.
I believe whole-heartedly that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.
Obviously I have a hard time quitting things,
but I was reminded not too long ago that

“Saying no to someone – is like saying yes to yourself.”

and there is no shame in that.
When is the last time you said yes to yourself?

When You Think You Have Nothing Left To Give

When you think you have nothing left to give.

I was moved to write this
after reading a en*theos post
that was delivered
lovingly drenched in
simple, but shaking wisdom
on giving.

Today,
I bought both my breakfast and lunch
with spare change –
dollar menu
McDonald’s for breakfast
Burger King for lunch. 
I know, I know, I know. Terrible.
I sent the love of my life off to work
with no coffee,
no food,
and no cigarettes
(skip the lectures on quitting I know he needs to).
I hate the thought
of sending him
to a 10 hour work day
without breakfast and coffee.

I am beyond
fishing at the bottom of the barrell.
Even now,
I can find something to give.

I was reminded this morning
that everything is an energy –
including prosperity
and energy must flow to grow;
stagnant energy will only diminish.

So I saved my change to eat,
but I keep the pennies aside
and toss them one at at time
near entrances
and in parking lots near cars
one at a time
for wanderers-by to pick them up
and hopefully
throw a little luck and smile their way.
Not enough to make
a grappling difference in their life,
but by putting that out there
and giving with love
I am only opening myself up
to allow more energy
to flow through me.

Remember that the next time
you think you have nothing left to give.
When you give with love truly, every little bit counts.