Where Forgiveness is Found

Where does a man go for redemption
Where does he take a broken heart
Shouldn’t there be some small exemption
If he does all that it takes
To admit to his mistakes
Til the truth batters and breaks his world apart
I could ask for my forgiveness
From the heavens high above
Tell myself my prayers are gonna somehow be enough

 -Kenny Chesney “Always Gonna Be You”

Where does true forgiveness lie? Etched in the pews of a modest country road church? Locked within the heart of the wronged? Hidden in the subtext of a love song, just waiting to strike out like an epiphany? In the hands of the divine, ready and always wanting to be given (if only we accept)? Buried somewhere beneath our guilt and Sacred Lies and ambivalence?

The answer comes in pieces.

Forgiveness from another is nice. It’s comfort. It’s catharsis. It can be closure. It is not, however, necessary to move on – in spite of what we tell ourselves. I’ve learned that often the best you can do is sincerely apologize (justifications can taint the sincerity), make amends (if possible), and then move it along. They’ll come around or they won’t.

Forgiveness from the divine is wholly attainable and, for me, wholly necessary. Simply ask, simply be ready to receive and it is ours. I believe in a great many things, a benevolent divining force is high on that list.

You could stop here, many do, but then you’re stopping short on that road to true peace of mind. Yes, apologize to the wronged and seek forgiveness from the divine, but ultimately this missing peace comes from somewhere a little closer to home.

So often we keep ourselves plied with guilt. Self-flagellation is an unfortunate hobby – and a popular one. We literally drive ourselves crazy holding onto guilt. We internalize OR side-step OR project and transform the issue at hand until barely recognizable OR disguise it as a never-ending grand quest to win the approval of God. Maybe it’s some amalgamation of all of the above. Everyone is different.

You may never get the forgiveness you seek wrapped in a neat little bow (or at all). You may never receive the final word from above that you’re good to go (trust me, you are). What you can do is take control of the person keeping you up nights, browbeating you, infringing upon (and projecting in) other relationships, because it’s you.

Forgive and forgive again. Forgive everyone and everything like it’s going out of style. Forgive hard and often until day by day (and then moment by moment) you begin to feel the weight of fear, guilt, regret, and ill-wishes slide off your shoulders and into the Earth to be neutralized and left behind.

This is the one ‘F’ word that will always end in joy. It may hurt at first, but remember…

“Being genuinely happy means you’re okay being unhappy”
-Gabby B
 
Is something weighing you down? What are you holding onto that is keeping you cycle of dwelling and guilt? 
What can you forgive yourself for? What can you let go of?
Leave a comment. Write a letter to yourself. Pray. Whatever you have to do to acknowledge and release it.
Love Always,
Me

Shovel Out The Bull*ish To Get To The Good *Ish

Warning: Just a bit of rough language, but only a bit.

It’s time gorgeous people to shovel out the bullshit to get to the good shit.

Excuses! You have to love these sneaky little bastards.

Most times the “but, but” stumbles out of our mouths before we even have time to process what’s going on.

Aren’t you tired of handing the reigns over to your limiting beliefs? Your fears?

My sniggling little inner-critic mostly just reminds me “Walk my talk.” and challenges me to “Put my money where my mouth is.” these days.

We’ve made friends… well, mostly. Sometimes she still whispers lies.

But the little monsters that still feed you that “Sacred Lie” are holding you back and down.

I can validate and compliment you until I’m blue in the face,

but you have to begin the work of shoveling out the bullshit to let all that goodness start to stream in.

So do it!

Today, right now, don’t wait any longer.

You owe it to yourself to see who you really are when the “I am not enough” crap is stripped away.

They are placeholders – really crippling and stagnating placeholders.

What wonderous loveliness are you blocking out by holding onto them?

Your dream career? Relationship? Promotion? House?

And do it in your own way,

find tools that resonate with you.

This is not a one-size-fits-all world.

You need different outfits and you need different tools in your self-love arsenal.

(Check the list below for some of my favorites.)

If you need a cheerleader, a friend, A CHAMPION!

I’m here! I believe in and love you deeply.

If you don’t like me, then find someone in your life that can be this for you until you can be this for yourself.

The world needs more light, needs more love today not a week from now.

More good shit and far, far less bullshit.

Happy shoveling!

 

A Shovel Is Waiting For You …!!! / Une pelle v...

A Shovel Is Waiting For You …!!! / Une pelle vous attend…!!! :))) (Photo credit: Denis Collette…!!!)

 

 

 

 

I love to meditate with this chick: Gabby Bernstein

EFT: Gala Darling taught me how!

Seduction as a spiritual practice with this siren.

Asking the right questions with Ms. Courageous and it really is ALL about the questions.

You can wander through my archives for more of personal beliefs, tips, and practices.

Neglect: The Silent Abuser

Let me just hang this out in the air for a moment there: neglect is a form of abuse – a SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE form of abuse.

What the *eff, and WHY?! Let me spin it this way, if a child was neglected the media would be up and arms and social services would be contacted immediately to have the child removed from the parents’ “care”. So please tell me why, once we enter the romantic the dating arena, it is completely acceptable to be neglected. We make excuses for it! When it reaches a certain point this is no better than verbal abuse – it can have irreparable damage on the psyche causing one to jump and fight for attention any time their mate (or family member or friend) pulls away in the slightest bit. I’m going to say that I have been guilty of this in the past too; I have allowed it to happen in my past relationships and I make the normal excuses. The more your run around this circle the more you teach the “neglecter” that it’s okay to treat you that way. Personally, it left me crazy starved for attention.

I’m not talking the run of the mill he/she’s too busy to hang out with me this weekend, he/she doesn’t show interest in what I like, he/she never does anything romantic. I’m talking no communication, disappear for a few days, never willing to indulge in or encourage you to pursue your interests, doesn’t even care to discuss what’s happening in their life. Serious and willful neglect – the kind of relationship where you know you’ve felt less alone by yourself. If that person isn’t filling ANY of your needs there is a problem there. If a relationship is not fulfilling any of your needs, it IS causing you pain because placeholders are not as innocent as they seem.

If you take nothing else away while you’re reading this – relationships tend to flow so much into the other parts of your life that it is imperative that they are alive and breathing freely. So if it’s not a HELL YES – it’s a no. I know that my romantic partner tends to be my best friend, my anchor and I need that balance because I’m a little (maybe a lot) on the floaty, whimsical side and it may be different for you, but interpersonal relationships in general are such a big slice of my pie that if I’m not getting what I need from them I melt a little and sometimes my boundaries come undone.

A little aside about feeling supported in your relationships:

How to Feel Supported

Gabby Bernstein featured a vlog about feeling supported in her life – throughout her career, in her relationships, in her finances. Supported – I love it. She speaks about Danielle LaPorte’s “Desire Map” and her practice of intentionally designating a set of feelings as core feelings. In the front of my planner at work, on the background of my laptop, sometimes scrawled on a post it and stuck on the surfaces surrounding my desk, but I never once thought about being supported until I heard that. Take stock of your feelings surrounding relationships.

What do you want to feel? Neglected, lonely, constantly fighting for attention? I didn’t think so; I certainly don’t want to feel that way. I can be lonely all on my own.  Are you in a neglectful relationship? With others? With yourself? Are you the neglected or the one who neglects? What would you make room for if you let that relationship (that isn’t serving your needs) go?

Love List: Inspirers, Thought Leaders, and Plain ol’ Guiding Lights

Well, everyone! This is a little catch-all list of the ladies I’m loving these days. More specifically, these are the people at have me immersed in the thick of spiritual seduction and the sweat of self-love work and caught up in stark (and frankly sometimes damn scary) white hot truth. These women can pull truth, authenticity, self-love, and faith out of a stone. This is who I’m loving these days:

Veronica Varlow

Kitty Cavalier

The Dame

Goddess Star Monroe

Kate Courageous

A Beautiful Mess

And as ALWAYS, the ladies NEVER get old:

Gala Darling

Danielle LaPorte

Gabby Bernstein

Thank you for all you offer to the world. Keep on loving.

I know it's not Valentine yet but I'm full of ...

Showing some love to the thought leading ladies!

How To Forgive Someone When “That’s Just Who They Are.”

Forgiveness

Forgive them. They know not what they do (Photo credit: -Marlith-)

“I’m sorry.” There is a lot to be said about these two tiny words put in such a sorrowful melodic order. I’m sorry saves relationships, face, pride – sometimes lives. It’s a can be a superficial release or something deeper, something that dams rifts between hearts and abolishes grudges for which reasons have long since been forgotten. It’s easy to know when to say I’m sorry. You hurt someone, purposefully or not, you apologize. Simple enough. It’s even easier to know when you’re the one that’s been wounded by a wrongdoing. You were obviously wronged and thus an apology is owed.

What about the times you feel betrayed, abandoned, enraged, or just plain hurt and it’s no one’s fault? What about the times you let who someone is affect you, how then do you forgive this person/people?

I’d like to say first – this is your problem and not theirs because they’re just traipsing down their path carrying their baggage with little regard or knowledge of how it affects those around them (especially the people they love most). Please pay attention here: they cannot directly affect your being without your permission, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt. Grudges are the shackles of the spiritual world and they only hold you back.

All behaviors should be addressed with great compassion and respect because odds are if this is someone who cares about you they don’t know that they’re hurting you. You don’t have to make a sweeping gesture to that person to release them – no entitled, snooty “I forgive you” required.

Sit with yourself and meditate, journal, affirm, whatever your process is to turn your focus inward and make the decision to forgive and release that person (and by extension yourself) for whatever they have done. Gabrielle Bernstein has a wonderful forgiveness visualization meditation (it’s minimum on the woo-woo just in case that’s not your bag) that gently encourages you to remove the metaphorical brick wall between you and the intended recipient of forgiveness.

The next time someone in your life is dragging their baggage all over your ego don’t get let that fester because that’s “just who they are.” Look inward, forgive, release, accept, and love. It is a difficult thing indeed, but try it on for size and watch how it shifts your perception, communication, and relationships as a whole.

Asking For Forgiveness

Asking For Forgiveness (Photo credit: hang_in_there)