How About Select Few *Effs Given Instead of #NFG

One day I’ll squeeze a couple of cute kiddos out into this world and I have to believe that I’m doing my part now to make sure the world they come into is filled with as much love and compassion as possible. I dance, flow, create, pray, believe – whatever I can to add more light into this world.

I want them to know that complete strangers can honestly, deeply care about them. I want them know that miracles are not only possible, but regularly occurring. I want them to know that when they need it the most they will find the love and support to keep going on no matter what. I want them to know that apathy is an ugly thing and the most beautiful thing you can be is compassionate and lit up.

 

Street art on Trafalgar Square, London by Farrukh

Street art on Trafalgar Square, London by Farrukh

 

I fancy myself a honey badger in a lot of ways and I actually love what the #NFG movement could mean (aka how I perceive it)

#NFG:

* Doubts (undaunted, never stop just because of fear)
* Glass Ceilings (born to break barriers down)
* Drama (energy sucking)
* Haters (no time)
* Guilty Pleasures (mindless television and pasta!)

But I’ve noticed that it further creates a culture of apathy.

This world needs more people who give 0 f*cks like it needs more people who give their bleeding hearts so freely that they have nothing left to give when it counts. Neither extreme serves the self or the world. Not caring has become the magical solution to all uncomfortable situations. There is no pain if you don’t put yourself out there, no broken hearts if you tuck your compassion inside.

“Everyone wants a magical solution but no one wants to believe in magic.”
Once Upon A Time

The answer is little more than common sense and good dose of easier said than done-ness: some self-responsibility, a little love, and a lot of trusting your gut (because you’re wiser than you think when you really tune in). That magic pill comes down to learning when to put yourself out there; it may not be magic in and of itself, but the bliss of ease and an uncluttered life can feel pretty magical.

Unfortunately it takes a lot of listening and we are an instant gratification society. I want solace now, happiness now, love now, peace NOW! Somewhere along the way the words “worthy” and “deserving” enveloped a sense of selfishness and sloth. We want to feel happy and peaceful and loved, but we want it now, by any means, and damn it we want it without work. By all means, if happiness is readily available to you (and it is) then reach out and grab it, but what we are entitled to are the opportunities that allow feel such and with opportunity there is work. Of course, when you start to embrace the work opportunities to be happy (or loved or peaceful) become more readily available because you see them in every little thing.

As long as you’re alive you will inevitably care and unless you’ve reached some ultimate state of enlightenment (go you!) then at least once in your life you will place your love into someone or something that only serves to teach you a lesson. Don’t let heart-break rob you of your softness or steal your compassion.

You’re not a buffet – your f*cks, energy, time, or love shouldn’t be open feeding for the masses. All of those bits of you are so precious, be careful whom you pay them to. And that should be the real point – not 0 f*cks, select few f*cks.

How will you be more responsible with your heart?

Loving You Always,
Me

Permission to Be Happy in Your Own Way

I have a somewhat shocking announcement: shopping doesn’t make me happy. In fact, I hate shopping for most things aside from groceries. My friends get so caught up in pretty new dresses and sexy high heels, but I would much rather my awesome new clothes, accessories, and whatnot just made it to my closet without my having to trek out to the mall or hope and pray that the size I ordered online will fit perfectly. For years I would force myself to go shopping with them because that’s what should have made me happy too. No more.

A bit shallow for an admission, I know; it’s only to demonstrate a point that we’re all different and thus different things make us happy. I’m somewhere in between an urban-hippie and a country girl so I love being outside, like, a lot. My dream cafe to craft such lovely posts for you is slightly secluded and near a lake so that all elements are present for ultimate balance. I would rather spend my day walking through this arboretum than walking around the mall or off-roading and setting up a bonfire than at some swanky soiree sipping cosmos. That is O.K.

I’m a big supporter of letting your freak flag fly high and that means you have to get real with yourself about some things including your authentic happiness. What happiness really means to you and how you get there. Whatever it is, it’s okay. A friend of mine told me the other day she wished she could be happy all of the time just like me. Obviously, I’m not happy all of the time, but I like to keep my happy time in the majority. She and no one else can be happy just like me; your authentic happiness is your own little ultra-personalized balance of your human needs being met, your little perfectly you happiness sweet spot. You can however surround yourself with the things that turn you on. I’m all about the self-seduction, don’t wait for happiness to come to you! Take it into your own hands.

As a self-proclaimed Queen of Silver Linings I permit and implore you:

Sit with yourself, turn inward, reflect, breathe deep and smile.

Find your authentic happiness, that sweet spot that gets you giddy and pumped.

This is all about you.

Dance – or don’t.

Run – or don’t.

Sing – or don’t.

Play chess – or don’t.

What sets you on fire? Lights you up like no other?

There’s no right way, no wrong way.

Pay attention as you go through the day.

How does your body react to things?

What puts you into serene bliss? Or an excited frenzy?

What kind of happy do you want?

Take those little bits and put them in your back pocket for a rainy day.

Don’t force it.

Don’t do things that don’t make you feel like waving the “Hell yeah” banner.

Put those guilty pleasures to good use – and drop the guilt.

Play, discover, and for crying out loud laugh.

The best way to invite more happiness in is to be happy and grateful for what you have now.

Let’s put some Good Vibrations in the air today.

Say it out loud “I am so happy and grateful that _________________”.

Let YOUR freak flag fly high!

Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch! Impromptu dance break – that’s one way I get to that happy place.

 

Not Overwhelmed, Full of Whelm: A Call To Expand and Permission to Dance Break

A bit irritable today, I’m not sure if it’s the caffeine I scarfed down this morning or the unrealistic amounts of work compounding itself into my day, but I’m downright pissy. I try to remember that I’m never given more than I can handle – I tell myself I’m not overwhelmed, but simply full of whelm. Sometimes this works and I can take a deep breath and battle out the rest of my day until that clock strikes 4 p.m., but on days like today when it seems like every time I return to my desk there is a new sticky or spreadsheet set on my laptop I reach a point where I need a moment to regather. I am widely known amongst the office workers (of which there are four, but who wants to be narrowly known?) as the Master of Dance Break Ceremonies. Three minutes of being fully and blissfully immersed in my body and out of my troubled head; swaying and shimmying without attention to rhythm or my rising silliness quotient just does something to bring the Queen of Silver Linings back to the surface and I realize once again that every, every, EVERY single thing is an opportunity to practice gratitude and expand. Is this going to help the mounting piles of papers I have on my desk? Not immediately, but a happy Kiera is a far more attentive Kiera and that’s just good for everyone.

Bronze statue of Freddie Mercury without touri...

Bronze statue of Freddie Mercury without tourists. We are the champions!

So here it is,

your official permission slip:

Shrug off that over

and allow for expansion

so that you’re just full of whelm.

Take 3 minutes,

lock yourself in the bathroom if you’re shy,

and get down with your bad self!

Shimmy, pogo jump, do the Molly Ringwald!

Move that body without care!

Let the music just soothe and flow through you.

Silly or sexy.

Wild and everywhere or simple and intentional.

This is catharsis at its best.

When you’re done fix your hair,

go back to your desk

renewed with gratitude in your heart

for the opportunity to expand,

and get your *ish done

because you are beyond capable.

Permission Slip to Begin Again and a Mini Recommitment Ceremony

  It is okay to start over. There are times to ply on, press forth, push through, but this is about a time where all that is needed is a deep breath and a release. This is not the time to fight through it, to rage against and shame yourself – we fail, we all do. We forget, we get caught up in the whirlwind that is life, we overlook, and we are too exhausted to follow through. This is your permission slip to start over because some things are meant to end.

 Birthday Permission Slips

Admittedly I was nervous to start another blog (there have been three or four in my past) because each time I get so wrapped up in other things that I let blogging fall to the wayside. I make excuses because it’s already been one week since my last post and I’m oh so busy to add content – which quickly spins to one month and before I know it I haven’t updated in so long that I decide it doesn’t matter now anyway. At those times I was in a much different state of mind than I have come to be in now; shame was my partner in crime and “Woe as me” syndrome was fighting for the title. Letting go was so far from the picture that all I could were taillights.

So this is it. I’m taking a deep breath and releasing the disappointment in myself for pushing Love Hard Live Hard over to the shoulder. This is a bit difficult for me because I’m hard pressed to let myself off easy, but it is a necessary thing. While I’m not starting over with yet another blog, I am recommitting myself to the project which is another way to begin again.

Light meditation, deep breathing, and cutting the energy cords that trail to those icky feelings- a simple but powerful mini recommitment ceremony that allows me to move forward. Your new beginning may not require lit candles, sage, meditation – it may be as simple or as complex as you like. I love the sacredness that ritual brings; ritual cements the act and breathes life into it.

Where in your life could you let go of something to favor a new beginning?

Let your freak flag fly high,

Me.