Photo Provided By Josh Felise via Unsplash, kiss, couple, love

An Ode To Quiet Love

I forgot about quiet love.
Love that only subtly let’s its presence be known.
I forgot about gentle love.
Love that doesn’t prod or pull you into unnatural shapes and tornadoes.
I forgot so deeply that I held no regard,
no value,
no recognition for the thing.
I’d only known love out loud.
The kind of love that flings itself up the stairs
to make declarations before the world.
The kind that stamps its feet
and says every little sweet nothing way out loud
because the noise makes the love real and big.
Enduring love that stings,
but is oh so satisfying
in that you know the passion and tension
will keep you going
well past the point
“let’s call it quits and still be friends”.
I began to believe that quiet love
is not love at all,
but a passionless,
avoidance of emotion.
I couldn’t see it as a real love.
I thought real love twirls you around the dance floor,
fights for you –
even if it’s against you,
and makes the grand gesture at just the right time.
I forgot about silent love that penetrates the soul
with just time and no words.
I fought the legitimacy of it all –
my intimacy always caught in frenzy.
I forgot about quiet love.

This is when I realized that I had succumb to a hidden Disney princess dream. How had I deluded myself into thinking it had passed me over? There it was: I wasn’t waiting for the someone to rescue me from a tower – I’m no damsel, but I was waiting though for someone to make the grand gesture. Run to the mountaintops and scream their love for me, prove their love by slaying dragons. This dynamic set me up for even a nice enough guy to never get past the butterflies stage because he couldn’t pull off this thing. I didn’t even know what it was, but it was big and I knew at the end of it that I would know for sure this man would love me forever and there would be no question in my mind.

The only problem with that is the novelty wears off and I’m always looking for the next big gesture to keep my attention, to keep up with the definition of love that I’ve formed.

To be honest, I enjoy a great, big love with passion and healthy dose of tension to keep it going. In my frenzied nature I filled the canyons with thoughts and questions. Don’t question every quiet moment, every wordless exchange. Not everyone can be “on” all of the time. Not every moment is soaked in passion and bliss.

How loud someone confesses their love to you is a poor measuring stick.

What preconceived notion of love are you willing to release?


Don’t Let Your Beautiful Heart Go To Waste

 GLYHG2W Pic 2
Don’t let your beautiful heart go to waste.
All too often we believe
the strength found in hardships
are the bricks we pick up along the way,
the scarring that’s left.
We use those bricks to build walls
and our scars harden our hearts against
the pain this world will inevitably bring
until we convince ourselves
we will never again feel the utter hopelessness
of being broken by those that love us the most.
Don’t let your love go to waste.
All too often we believe that
the lessons learned of tragedy
are to keep desperate hold of our hearts.
As if our love is but a small flame
that might be snuffed out at anytime.
Desperate that no one should ever hurt us again
we set out traps
and design rigged tests
that would decide
once and for all
the worthiness a person.
Your heart will break,
let it.
“They” are right,
pain is inevitable,
because we have made it the only learning tool worth a damn.
Pain is inevitable
because we carry our bricks and scars
from one relationship to the next
and are hands are so full
and are hearts are so hard
that we leave no room to carry the lessons
with us.
And so we continue on in spirals
with self-victimizing cries of “What went wrong?”
Running from pain only beckons more pain
and the only way out is through.
So push.
Remember, you’ve been here before
and know that the light of the end of the tunnel
IS indeed you.
Your love and light are always replenishing.
Don’t waste your beautiful heart,
your love,
your light,
on the bittersweet of regret,
and sleepless nights analyzing,
and silent, desperate wishes without work.

We Were Here

True change begins with an un-learning. The only thing we feared as children were the monsters that lurked and bumped ‘neath our bed. We were lucky, at least most of us were; we didn’t let loneliness or insignificance drive our behavior and decisions. We ran wild and free, again most of us, and look back to those days envious of the freedom of obligation, ability to create effortlessly, and to love without the thought to abandonment.
I recently came across this spoken word piece and it left me gob-smacked and teary eyed. “remember what we forgot?” he asks; such a simple, but evocative question with an answer that’s anything but simple.  There are times I ponder while sitting in traffic moving haltingly between a passionate life in love and intentional bliss and moving listlessly through the motions – I wonder what I would have thought of me – back then when I didn’t know the meaning of limits and my heart was wide open, unmarred by media influence and the ego’s fearful lies.
Would she be proud? Hurt? Disenchanted with the distant definition that “adult” came to hold? 
I live my life on purpose, burgeoning with love every damn day. Of course there are moments I fall, but I refuse to let my scraped knees and humbled heart grip the concrete any longer than necessary to heal and grow. Over time I have learned not to make fear my home; I’ve learned to take it easy – shit happens and mistakes are made. When this beautiful woman Kate Northrup spoke at Wanderlust she said “You can’t beat yourself up enough for (…), I can’t find myself wrong enough times to stop that behavior…”. Talk about struck a chord, that was an a-ha moment in spades. She was speaking specifically about money, but isn’t this true in every facet of life? Beating yourself up, making yourself wrong will never spur sustainable change and most certainly never elicit joy.
If there has been anything I’ve forgotten from my years of playing tag until dark and hustling for the latest Barney gear it is that love knows no bounds, no color, no economic background, no difference in strife and that every act from fear and hatred and exclusion and separation is equally saddening. None are better or worse.
What have you forgotten?

When Gentle Doesn’t Get It Done

It takes all kinds of kinds. Same goes for lovin’; sometimes gentle just doesn’t get the job done. I can be pretty blunt at time, lovingly so, but still I’ve kind of earned a reputations as bit of a hard ass when it comes to doling out advice.I’m not afraid to tell you about yourself – I call myself out too so no worries.

There are times that require delicate words, a softer touch and there are times for tough love, FIERCE love. Times when you’ll need the kind of love that tackles mountains, rips you back into reality, fights for you (or someone you love). Love is not always quiet and rosy pink hued, it can be loud, dominate, flaming red!

Rock hard love

Rock hard love (Photo credit: Nina Matthews Photography)

Fiercer Shades of Love

Love doesn’t just exist in subtle rosy-pink hues

and whispered sweet nothings

and gingerly sugarcoated observations.

Beyond simply enduring love

there is fighting love,

love that doesn’t quit, doesn’t let go.

Love that only knows how to barrel forward.

There is fierce love,

dominating love –

love that comes in takes over, takes control, and returns order.

Badass love

that comes in guns a-blazing to rescue or shift.

Hard love,

love that makes hard decisions – impossible decisions.

Balls to the wall.

Love that’s had enough and leaves or finally lets go.

Love that’s out loud, intense, penetrating.

Love that pulls you back from the brink of death.

Love that gets it done.

Love that saves.

Easy Like Sunday Morning: What A Seductive Sunday Looks Like In My World

Wake up to a slow Sunday morning brunch with mimosas from crystal goblets shared over shallow giggles and profound realizations with my closest friends.

English: Sveas restaurant brunch

English: Sveas restaurant brunch (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

After that a discovery stroll through the woods or the city to overhaul vintage boutiques or being at the cross-section of the elements to plant dreams in fertile ground. Lots of pictures: glamour shots and hammin’ it up candids.

Kodak Instamatic 104

Kodak Instamatic 104 (Photo credit: EFF ^_^)

On the ride home we’ll sing obnoxious, loud karaoke; some cathartic ballads mixed in with some funky gotta move it one hit wonders. Short goodbyes and promises to see each other soon upon arrival back to my apartment and then a milk and honey bubble bath surrounded by every candle I own lit with Tchaikovsky filling the room.

Bubble Bath!

Bubble Bath! (Photo credit: deysale)

Before I feel myself lulling away, I wrap myself in a warmed towel and move to the kitchen to collect a few of my favorites (cheese, avocado, melon slices) and a glass of wine. Lie down and savor my couch picnic while reading Rumi’s translated poetry until I fall blissfully asleep.

I have so many different versions of this leisured, indulgent day. The list of ways I allow myself to be seduced are endless. It’s become an important ritual and I would like to invite you to create your own:

  • Start small, create your perfect morning (or afternoon or evening) and fill it with the things, people, events that make you feel powerful, rejuvenated, and luxurious. Repeat until you have a whole day’s worth.
  • Allow yourself to savor the present moment and move seamlessly into the next.
  • If things don’t go according to plan just let it flow right past you. Things often go “off course” but the universe knows just what you need. Trust it.
  • Embrace your eccentricities. In my experience when I indulge in the things that I love that others might find off-kilter I feel the most connected to my authentic self. And there is nothing quite as sexy as someone who accepts and has stepped into their authentic self.
  • Keep building these perfect
  • seducing days. Even thinking about it is the perfect pick-me-up. Anyone can find a free couple of hours, keep these ideas in your toolkit and whenever you’re feeling lethargic, rundown, stressed, or just plain ol’ yuck access a couple (or all) of these.
  • If you journal or blog, keep track of how you felt throughout the day so you can build the super epic self-seducing day and/or night experience tailored completely for you to make you feel like the super star you are.

I’d love to hear what your perfect day of self-seduction would look like. Let me know in the comments below!